theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
