I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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