Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
