by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
