Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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