I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
