I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
