Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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