The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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