it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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