Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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