before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
