giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
