I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
