you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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