Christians are straight up FREAKS
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
