Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
