MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
