If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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