o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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