what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everything about him screamed your future.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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