he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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