You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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