Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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