I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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