I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
