He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
