I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
