Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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