those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
