DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
