I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
