The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
