my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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