Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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