i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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