thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
