kristin has been a bad kristin
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
