Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
