He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
