I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
