States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You took a bar mat shot.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
