If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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