I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
