There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
