What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
