i just had sex bonerless
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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