No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
