he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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