Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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