dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
