My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
