Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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